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May 2013
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March 27th

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New Jersey (USA)

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Special Education Instructional Assistant

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Fan of 15 items > See all
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The Incredibles
#1 Movie of All-Time
I Love You, Man
#1 Comedy
Face/Off
#1 Action
Back to the Future
#1 Sci-Fi
The Exorcist
#1 Horror
One Fine Day
#1 Romance
Pineapple Express
#1 Stoner
Pinocchio
#1 Animated
Labyrinth
#1 Fantasy
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
#1 Romantic Comedy
Paul Rudd
#1 Actor
Edgar Wright
#1 Director
Salma Hayek
#1 Hottie
Doctor Emmet Brown
#1 Movie Character
... View the rest.
wallcrawler383
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I am more nervous about a possible fifth season of Community than I am excited, not gonna lie.
TOTAL POSTS
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wallcrawler383's Reviews (127)

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Iron Man 3

reviewed on May 5th, 2013 08:16AM

*spoilers* Well, here we are, Phase Two. Iron Man 3 is a movie that is splitting audience reaction like you wouldn't believe. Some people say it's the best Iron Man movie, others are like WTF? For me, the one WTF thing is the Mandarin, t...

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42

reviewed on April 13th, 2013 08:45AM

The true tale of how Jackie Robinson overcame the odds to change the face of baseball. A great cast, including Alan Tudyk playing against type and John C. McGinley as a really funny sports commentator. Oh and the dude who plays Robinson has ...

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Jurassic Park 3D

reviewed on April 7th, 2013 02:25PM

What brings us back to childhood? What unlocks nostalgia? Toys, video games, theme parks, photographs, and of course, movies. The last one is a big one, cause movies we view time and time again allow us to look back on simpler times, before we got...

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Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

reviewed on April 1st, 2013 01:21PM

This is my favorite Indy movie cause this is the one I saw first. And really it's kind of cool that I saw it first because you get that nice little Indy back story at the beginning. And of course even though they could be brothers age wise C...

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Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

reviewed on April 1st, 2013 01:18PM

This movie is far better than people give it credit for. It's fun, Short Round is hilarious, it's dark at points, and plus the ladies get a shirtless Harrison Ford. Only problem is Willie Scott. You have to bang her, Spielberg, don't make ...

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Raiders of the Lost Ark

reviewed on April 1st, 2013 01:13PM

The epitome of an adventure movie Fun, cheesy special effects, and just an all out good time. A true classic. I'm giving this movie 10 He may not like snakes but he totally showed Marion his trouser snakes out of 10.

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The Departed

reviewed on March 12th, 2013 05:23PM

Apparently a remake of some Asian movie. Anyway this movie is the tits. Everyone is in this movie, Nicholson, DiCaprio, Damon, Wahlberg, Baldwin (Alec, duh), Sheen (of the Martin variety), Vera Farmiga, her panties, the most popular Irish drink...

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Zero Dark Thirty

reviewed on January 27th, 2013 03:27PM

An at first intimidated CIA officer hired to deal with the search for Osama Bin Laden becomes the operation's most valued player chronicling a story that begins in 2001 and ends 10 years later. Jessica Chastain owns in this very lengthy detaile...

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Pleasantville

reviewed on January 26th, 2013 08:19AM

Elle Woods and the jockey from Seabiscuit get stuck in an old timey show, you know the ones that used to be on like Nick at Nite when you were a kid but now you're watching shows that used to air weekly with all new episodes when you were a kid? ...

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Gangster Squad

reviewed on January 12th, 2013 12:46PM

A group of misfits set band together to take down the bad guy in the sleek late 1940s Los Angeles. The Avengsters Stylish, not a lot of substance, shootouts a plenty, just pulpy fun. And Emma Stone looks good enough to eat. Also eye candy fo...

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Wreck-It Ralph

reviewed on November 11th, 2012 12:02PM

Ralph hates his job and wants a new one. NAME ONE PERSON WHO DOESNT RELATE TO THAT This movie had sex with my eyeballs and made love to my geek heart. Amazingly fun. Highly wreckommended I'm giving Ralph 10 this movie was pure ...

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Cinderella (Re-issue) (1981)

reviewed on September 21st, 2012 04:53PM

Helping out Cinder-ella Ella eh eh Helping out Cinder-ella Eh eh It's alright I'm giving this movie 7 those stepsisters and the stepmom seem like they should have their own reality show out of 10.

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Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

reviewed on July 29th, 2012 04:06PM

NORMAL REVIEW NORMAL REVIEW NORMAL REVIEWWWWWWWwWwWw An hour and a half of a dude and two robots making fun of a crappy science film. What's not to like? I'm giving this movie 9 mouth moving silhouettes out 10.

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Hot Fuzz

reviewed on July 28th, 2012 03:01PM

Edgar Wright spoofed the zombie movie. Now he spoofs the action movie. Once again, he makes it his own with an intriguing story line about a murderous village cult and a pitch perfect cop who turns his back on being so clean cut near the end...

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Shaun of the Dead

reviewed on July 28th, 2012 10:48AM

Well fuck a doodle doo. You've got red on you. With each passing watch this movie gets better and better. It is really a spoof that parodies the zombie horror genre bit by bit but it really is its own movie all by itself. Love it. ...

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The Dark Knight Rises

reviewed on July 21st, 2012 06:07PM

(Minor spoilers) Holy awesome Batman. I had minor gripes with the film, mostly just due to adapting to the loudspeaker Bane voice (got better during the course of the film), the football scene (it felt out of place), and my realizing that th...

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Limitless

reviewed on July 16th, 2012 05:00PM

This film was actually surprisingly good. I caught it at the gym once while I was running on the treadmill. That's really it. Cooper did a solid job and DeNiro didn't suck like he has lately. I'm giving this movie 8 gives "going on the...

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

reviewed on July 16th, 2012 04:56PM

So I watched this movie with my girlfriend And she was like "You look miserable." And I said- "We've been watching this movie for 30 minutes and I feel like I have been sitting here for 5 hours." Bryce Dallas Howard looks like th...

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Batman

reviewed on July 12th, 2012 04:17PM

Hubba hubba hubba Money money money Who do you trust? Well, Burton's Batman made some (glaring) alterations to the Batman saga but Keaton is surprisingly good as the caped crusader. Nicholson hams it up as the Joker. And Kim Basinger is t...

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The Amazing Spider-Man

reviewed on July 4th, 2012 04:24PM

HOLY SHIT. Look, I love Spider-Man. Obviously you know that. But this movie was what should've happened in 2002. Obviously all the key players weren't able to get involved, but you get what I'm saying. The flaws of this film only go to The...

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Prometheus

reviewed on June 9th, 2012 10:14AM

After wrapping my geek brain around the Alien franchise this past week, Prometheus serves to begin the saga from a new POV, and for lack of a better way to explain it, it gives us a world that may run parallel to the events director Scott set up f...

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Alien 3

reviewed on June 7th, 2012 03:55PM

-Sigh- You know, this movie isn't shit. It's not. You know what is kind of sad about it though. It took a nice set up with Alien, an excellent bridge with Aliens, and kind of ran it into the ground a bit. It's not as fun, or as in...

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Aliens

reviewed on June 7th, 2012 03:48PM

Well You know how there are movies... And then there's like films that are like "HOLY FUCKING SHIT FUCKING OMG THAT WAS INSANE, CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT GATHER ROUND THE WATER COOLER WITH ME AND DISCUSS THIS." That's THIS movie. ...

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Alien

reviewed on June 7th, 2012 03:45PM

-to the tune of Gilligan's Island- Well sit right back and you'll hear a tale of an Alien on a ship. It started out there up in space It was a quite a trip Kane got attacked "Fuck quarantine!" but Ripley said hell no And they all died ...

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The Avengers

reviewed on May 4th, 2012 09:50AM

So basically If there were a way to make it scientifically possible to fuck the shit of a movie Then I would choose The Avengers Yes. I just said I wanna have sex with this movie. It has incredible action, comedy, the cast is gre...

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The Hunger Games

reviewed on April 11th, 2012 07:13PM

Jennifer Lawrence should always wear red dresses. She made me feel hungry. For her love. I mean, wait. This movie was ok. Read the books, highly recommended. I'm giving this movie 7 QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEARTS out of 10.

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The Lorax

reviewed on March 5th, 2012 06:53PM

My favorite book, movie style. Meh. Look, it had its moments, but overall, the flick did not keep a good pace. I mean I'm 28 years old and I was bored at some scenes. Can't imagine how the kids in the audience felt. I'm giving this movie...

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A Bug's Life

reviewed on February 23rd, 2012 05:15PM

Underrated Pixar gem. Denis Leary as a ladybug=pitch perfect. Really good "Flix" I'm giving this movie 9 Hopper is the best Pixar villain to dates out of 10.

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Toy Story 3

reviewed on February 23rd, 2012 05:05PM

An impossible feat that Pixar accomplished-Making the third entry in a trilogy fucking make you laugh your ass off and cry your eyes out. My favorite of the series. That's all that needs to be said here. I'm giving this movie 10 OMG THE ...

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Toy Story 2

reviewed on February 23rd, 2012 05:00PM

Dare you, DARE you not to cry when "Somebody Loves Me" comes on. Oh, no tears? Take your soul back to the store. It's defective. You heartless prick. A really good sequel, not flawless, but a grand old time. I'm giving this movie 9 Everyo...

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Toy Story

reviewed on February 23rd, 2012 04:56PM

You've got an awesome movie in me. You've got an awesome movie in me. Even though Cars is way up ahead. Pixar starts off its library with some nice street cred. And when I say me I mean Toy Story You've got an awesome movie in me. ...

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One For the Money

reviewed on February 4th, 2012 10:19AM

So meh. Heigl is a bounty hunter. Boba Fett need not worry. Was it horrible? No. But I'm still glad the tickets were free. A very long hour and a half That's what she said? idk I'm giving this movie 6 OMG FISHER STEVENS...

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Ghostbusters II

reviewed on January 25th, 2012 06:08PM

You know what This is a fine sequel. Not near the quality of movie 1, but still a good time. You should Vi-GO watch it. This movie should have an OSCAR. Oh wait, it does. :P I'm giving this movie 8 Toaster Ghosters out of 10.

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Ghostbusters

reviewed on January 25th, 2012 06:05PM

One of the best comedies. Of all time. Also a great supernatural flick too. This is why the 80s ruled people. When there's something strange in your neighborhood who you gonna call? The cops. Unless it's a ghost. Then call these ...

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Desperado

reviewed on January 24th, 2012 08:31PM

See plot. 10 Guitar Gun Cases out of 10.

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Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

reviewed on January 24th, 2012 08:29PM

YES, SILVER SURFER MAKES AN APPEARAN... Ok, stop right there. PG rating? Human Torch becomes like a Super Skrull? Stan Lee plays himself but in the first movie he played the mailman? DON'T YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD NOTICE? Oh an...

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Fantastic Four

reviewed on January 24th, 2012 08:01PM

Ok so Chris Evans and Chiklis are the best parts of the film. Now there was a time when saying Chris Evans was the best part of a film wasn't a good thing. This was that time. Dr. Doom...laughable Oh and Jessica Alba makes for the m...

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Source Code

reviewed on January 22nd, 2012 08:02PM

Gonna go back in time. To save the world aka Chicago. Go get em Tobey! I mean Jake I'm giving this movie 7 c'mon ride the trains out of 10.

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We Bought a Zoo

reviewed on January 14th, 2012 02:35PM

The zooth is... This was a very good movie. I laughed, I cried... I realized Matt Damon is aging like a fine wine. I'm giving this movie 9 ScarJo can be an animal with me anytimes out of of 10.

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Live Free or Die Hard

reviewed on January 8th, 2012 08:37PM

Hackers The jet scene was whack-ers Justin Long's character was so hungry they should've fed him crackers. This movie was ok, just brought down by many factors. I'm giving this movie 6 not being able to say yippie ki yay motherfuckers ...

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Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

reviewed on January 7th, 2012 09:01AM

Watson is due to be married. Holmes is investigating the biggest case of his career. In order to stop the bad guy, they need each other. REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD. Liked it. I'm giving this movie 8 slow mo bro-mosexuals out of ...

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Die Hard: With a Vengeance

reviewed on December 29th, 2011 07:54PM

Simon says This is a threequel that made me full of gleequel. I would've said it made me squeequel, but I feel like I'd be references the chipmunks, and fuck that, don't wanna do that in a Die Hard movie review. Good times I'm giving ...

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Twilight

reviewed on December 27th, 2011 03:48PM

Hah. No. -belches-

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Sin City

reviewed on December 27th, 2011 03:40PM

So yeah, basically, this is Jessica Alba's best work. Also...wow, who knew Frodo Baggins could kick so much ass? Raunchy violent awesome noir neatness. I'm giving this movie 9 Get me a hardtop with a decent engine and make sure it's got a...

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Die Hard 2: Die Harder

reviewed on December 27th, 2011 03:28PM

Sequel stereotype standard-Not as good as 2. However, tons of fun, although does not have such a charismatic villain as it did with Alan Rickman's Hans Gruber in movie uno. Why does Carl Winslow always play cops. They should make a sequel t...

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Die Hard

reviewed on December 27th, 2011 03:24PM

Bruce Willis is a guy who just happens to be in the wrong place at the right time. Maybe the wrong place at the wrong time, or the right place at the wrong time? I don't fucking know. It's awesome. Yippie Ki Yay Brothercluckers. I...

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The Hunchback of Notre Dame

reviewed on December 27th, 2011 03:21PM

Look, not Disney's best choice for a cartoon movie, but I like it. Esmeralda is...pretty hot. Songs...even Hellfire...are good. Although "Out There" is just balls out awesome. a pretty Notre Dame good film I give this movie 8 you a b...

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Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

reviewed on December 26th, 2011 09:55PM

Brad Bird directing. Sawyer, Hawkeye, Shaun/Tim Beasley/Nicholas Angel Geek love. Paula Patton. Hot. Great action and landscapes as well as landmarks. Awesome. I'm giving this movie 9 i love paula's pattons out of 10.

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The Muppets

reviewed on November 25th, 2011 05:00PM

-Sat in a theater with well behaved children- Laughed Cried Tapped Feet Got swept up in nostalgia. I jizzed in my pants. I mean.. Goddamnit. I loved it. Segel, you are the fucking man, and I thank you for doing what many...

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The Exorcist

reviewed on October 24th, 2011 01:30PM

Masturbating with a crucifix. Vomiting up split pea soup. Walking like a spider down the stairs. All this and much much more in The Exorcist!! Now how much would you pay?! The scariest movie ever and I'm sticking to it. I'm giving ...

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Trick 'R Treat

reviewed on October 24th, 2011 01:27PM

Holy indirect crossover Batman! Dr. Curt Connors (Dylan Baker), William Stryker (Brian Cox) and Rogue (Anna Paquin) are all in this movie! Rogue can now touch people...in fact she eats the ever living guts out of them. Did any of the werewo...

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Batman Begins

reviewed on October 3rd, 2011 06:18PM

Completely makes up for the Shmuckacher films by going darker and broodier. We get a Batman movie that focuses on Bruce Wayne, not the villains, although Cillian Murphy and Liam Neeson melt faces anyway. Really hope there is a sequel to this...

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The Nightmare Before Christmas

reviewed on October 2nd, 2011 04:37PM

A horror film for the kiddies featuring a mayor whose torso can turn 360 degrees, a gangly skeleton and a rag doll stalker. Awesome soundtrack, amazing stop motion animation, and a theme that would make emo girls and boys spend a LOT of money o...

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Zombieland

reviewed on October 1st, 2011 06:36PM

Tell 'im about the twinkie. Bill Murray makes a cameo and plays dress up. Fanboys and girls squee. Clowns. Fuck 'em. Snowballs, hostess? Really? Do you wanna change that name? No? Ok.... I give this movie 8 Emma stone as a brunette? Y...

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Showgirls

reviewed on September 29th, 2011 10:01AM

Elizabeth Berkley's character fucks like a fish out of water on land. Hey, you ate dog food once? I ate dog food once too!!! WEIRD. I award you no points. May God have mercy on your soul. However, I must give this movie a rating, so... ...

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Kindergartern Cop

reviewed on September 28th, 2011 10:01AM

THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME!!! DON'T THINK SO? WELL SHADDUP!! SHADDUP!!

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Super

reviewed on September 28th, 2011 09:55AM

Nathan Fillion playing a biblical superhero Ellen Page is a geek working in a comic book store Rainn Wilson bashing people's head in with a wrench Those three factors make it my dream kind of film. This movie is crazy, out there, fuck...

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The Cat in the Hat

reviewed on September 23rd, 2011 01:34PM

Fuck this movie. 1 star? How about negative one sextillion? That's a real number. Look it up.

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Pinocchio (Re-issue) (1984)

reviewed on September 23rd, 2011 01:15PM

Child changing into a jackass. LITERALLY. Scarred for life. Puppet maker wishes for marionette to become a real boy. First successful attempt at adoption without all the paperwork. Classic tunes, old school animation, my favorite non Pixar D...

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The Lion King

reviewed on September 23rd, 2011 01:07PM

In the jungle, the mighty jungle a jealous lion murders his brother tonight... A fat pig and his meerkat pal make fart jokes. Bodily functions are way funnier when you sing about them (see Scrubs, Conker's Bad Fur Day for future reference). ...

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Transformers: Dark of the Moon

reviewed on July 17th, 2011 07:55AM

TOLD MYSELF I WOULDN'T GIVE THIS MOVIE THE TIME OF DAY I LIED TO MYSELF. 3-D Robots battling= HOLY GEEKGASM BATMAN Good things-Alan Tudyk, Leonard Nimoy, Special Effects Bad things-Ken Jeong (El Tigre needs to go back in his cage), Stu...

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

reviewed on July 15th, 2011 03:30PM

It all ends. IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN THAT BY NOW. Bottom of the Long brings the thunder. Tears. Commence shedding. "Wand"-erful. I'm giving this movie 9 holy shit Radcliffe needs a tans out of 10.

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X-Men: First Class

reviewed on June 25th, 2011 05:01PM

X-Men: First Fass...Bender. Seriously, the guy owned as Magneto. Professor X and Magneto-Guy love between two guys. January Jones left me out in the cold with her acting. Get it? Emma Frost? And 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon just got easier. ...

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Kung Fu Panda 2

reviewed on May 30th, 2011 02:32PM

I was really not expecting a sequel to the surprisingly cool Kung Fu Panda. I thought a follow up would be bad. But I was wrong. Kung Phew. This movie made me a happy panda. I'm giving this film 8 I will never look at a peacock the...

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Mean Girls

reviewed on May 29th, 2011 10:30AM

Ok so I was told by a fellow schmoe that I had to watch this movie not mentioning names *cough cough leesemarie cough cough she needs to watch arrested development now cough cough damn these allergies cough cough* Anyway i just tough some coug...

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The Punisher

reviewed on May 24th, 2011 09:20AM

Looking to be punished? Then don't watch this movie. Cause it's good! If you wanna be punished watch a bad movie. Like the happening. Man, fuck that movie. I'm giving The Punisher 7 every time Tom Jane has his shirt off do shots out of 10.

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Jumanji

reviewed on May 21st, 2011 10:22AM

Takes "it's just a roll of the dice" to a new literal meaning. Kirsten Dunst before she annoyed the hi-ho cherry-o out of me in the Spider-Man films. STAMPEDE. I give this movie 8 ALAN'S DAD AND THE HUNTER ARE THE SAME GUY IS THAT A METAP...

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Jurassic Park

reviewed on May 21st, 2011 10:15AM

1993 special effects hold up so well I soil myself each time the T-Rex comes on the screen. Whenever I see a cup of water shakes, shakes, shakes it a baby I think of this movie. DINOSAURS. Clever movie. I'm giving this movie 9 I THINK...

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The Incredible Hulk

reviewed on May 19th, 2011 11:48AM

Oh hi, Ang Lee. This is the guy that directed the transporter. Fuck your movie. Fuck it up its fat green ass. Through the purple pants. Yeahhhhh. I'm giving this movie 8 OMG TONY STARK CAMEO CROSSOVER GEEKGASMS out of 10.

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The Hulk

reviewed on May 19th, 2011 11:40AM

The best part of the movie was when they Hulk tosses the tank. That scene was in the trailer. I could've saved my money. It ain't easy being green, especially if your movie sucks Hulk dong. (Tastes gamma-y!) I'm giving this movie 2 th...

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X-Men

reviewed on May 11th, 2011 05:03PM

During the movie whenever name Logan is mentioned I say "yeah." Worst line uttered in the history of film by the lady who showed her boobs in that hacking movie with Howard Saint, Wolverine, and War Machine. Canada. I'm giving this movie...

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine

reviewed on May 11th, 2011 04:55PM

Cool guys don't look at explosions. You got Watchmen in my Wolverine movie. Gambit: Ruined. CGI: Really? Really? No. And the Will. I. Am from the Black Eyed Peas will never act again good. I'm giving this movie 3 Is the scene in ...

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Blades of Glory

reviewed on May 11th, 2011 04:41PM

See plot. Need more to go on? Fine. MR. FUCKING FEENY IS IN IT. FEENY. FUH-UH-UH-FEENY! FEEEEENNNNNY! Are you sold yet? I'm giving this movie 8 best use of Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" since Armageddon and that was it's init...

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Transformers

reviewed on May 11th, 2011 04:26PM

Masturbation joke in a movie based off a kids toy line. Wonderful decision, screenwriters. Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox get nasty on the hood of a car. Hope "lubrication" was used. -drum clash- I DIDN'T GET UPSET WHEN BUMBLEBEE WAS BEING CAPTU...

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

reviewed on April 28th, 2011 07:27PM

Skids and Mudflap quotes make me want to bang on my ears with mallets. Almost an hour of this movie were the kid who help ruin Crystal Skull and Megan "I called Bay Hitler practically" Fox trying to revive Optimus in the desert I wish this m...

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Face/Off

reviewed on April 25th, 2011 07:31PM

This movie fucking rules your "face". Big Daddy and Danny Zuko play the whole scenario of "well if you were in MY shoes..." Except it's not with shoes, it's with faces. I'm giving it 9 it still baffles my mind that Travolta got with Pre...

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

reviewed on April 21st, 2011 08:35AM

THIS MOVIE PISSED THE "SHELL" OUT OF ME. Casey Jones is wasted and apparently has an ancestor in ancient Japan. The turtles jokes suck more that a prostitute does. Splinter can only be seen from the torso up. And I've seen animatronic shi...

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Beauty and the Beast

reviewed on April 20th, 2011 08:14PM

A fine piece. Oh, I meant the movie, not Belle. But for a cartoon chick, she is cute. I'm giving this movie 9 i bet the beast used Lumiere for some S & M shit with Belles out of 10.

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Titanic

reviewed on April 19th, 2011 06:28PM

Everyone: Logan you just saw this movie cause you wanted to see Kate Winslet's bewbs. Me.......No. -imitates scene of hand slapping a window whenever car fogs up. Don't lie you do it too- I'm giving this movie 8 britney spears got the blu...

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Star Trek

reviewed on April 19th, 2011 06:20PM

This is the movie the Star Wars Prequels wanted to be. Time travel Fucking green chicks. Quinto and Nimoy look so alike OMFG Simon Pegg -squee- I'm giving this movie 9 my uncle thought X-Men origins wolverine was better than this mo...

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Good Luck Chuck

reviewed on April 19th, 2011 06:14PM

Fuck no. Although Dane Cook's last name in the movie is Logan (that's my name, fyi), so it earns SOME pointage I'm giving this movie 1 Cook is humping Alba in one of the posters and apparently this is a good marketing strategies out of 10

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The Punisher

reviewed on April 19th, 2011 06:09PM

Still the best Punisher movie. John Travolta chews scenery like fucking bubble gum. And his wife in this movie is kinda hot. Roy Schneider is gonna need a bigger gun. Skulls. SUPER SHREDDER IS RUSSIAN. I'm giving this movie 7 i w...

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The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

reviewed on April 19th, 2011 05:56PM

BEST VIDEO GAME MOVIE EVER. HOT SAUCE AND MULLETS. YEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm giving this movie 10 don't touch with your joystiq too muches out of 10.

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Scooby Doo

reviewed on April 19th, 2011 05:50PM

Velma is hot. JINKIES. Matthew Lillard does a not too bad shaggy impression. The Scooby Doo scene in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is better than this whole entire film. And the dog even looks better. I'm giving this movie 4 WHAT THE FU...

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Troll 2

reviewed on April 16th, 2011 05:09PM

Write that review, write that review I like so much! Amazing. Changed my life. And my pants. And my shirt, cause, this movie made me sweat drops of joy. LADIESSSSSSSS I'm giving this movie 10 sexually used corn on the cobs out of 10. Do...

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

reviewed on April 15th, 2011 06:00PM

Pretty much the best of the Harry Potter movies. Except that dance scene was a little awkward. Whathefuckever. Expecto patronum and all that jazz. I'm giving it 9 OMG CGI HERMIONE IS NAKED AND MAKING OUT WITH HARRY THIS SHIT JUST GOT RE...

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Hook

reviewed on April 12th, 2011 10:19PM

Patch Adams is Peter Pan. He best seize the day. This movie fucking rules. I'm giving it 9 hairy robin williams arms out of 10.

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The Da Vinci Code

reviewed on April 10th, 2011 12:01PM

Fell asleep during this clunker three times. Tom Hanks' hair pulls a Nic Cage. Ron Howard created Arrested Development? The man's career has been all over the place from good (AD, Apollo 13) to stuff resembling my first sexual experience ak...

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Can't Hardly Wait

reviewed on April 7th, 2011 05:09PM

Great tunes. Lot of fun. Stellar cast of young stars. How can you go wrong? I give it 8 Kenny premature ejaculations out of 10.

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The Dark Knight

reviewed on April 7th, 2011 04:37PM

I wanna make babies with this movie. I'm giving 9 no real use of love interests out of 10

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

reviewed on April 7th, 2011 04:30PM

Watch the tv show. Then watch this fuck bucket. Actually, just watch the tv show. Hey Pee-Wee is in i.... Nope. Does nothing for me. 2 90210 has beens out of 10.

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Sex and the City

reviewed on April 7th, 2011 04:08PM

Yes I actually watched this movie. Not of my own free will. I would do anything for love. But I won't do that (Read-does not include watching Sex and The City the movie). The movie was ok. Kristin Davis was cute. I'm giving it 5 cosm...

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Back to the Future Part III

reviewed on April 6th, 2011 05:08PM

Doc gets laid. Good for him. I'm giving this movie eight marty mcfly butt shots out of ten.

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Back to the Future Part II

reviewed on April 6th, 2011 04:56PM

Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) and Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) are back with their sleek fucking DeLorean. It's 2015 and Marty's son is about to make a huge mistake and the two are there to fix it. Marty has a genius plan to make a ton of mone...

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Speed Racer

reviewed on April 6th, 2011 04:42PM

When Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) gets in too deep with a racing company that wants him to race for them and he declines, they decide to make his life a living hell. The mysterious racer X ( Matthew Fox) enlists the help of Speed and another riv...

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Gigli

reviewed on April 6th, 2011 04:12PM

Never saw it. Don't plan to. Rating: One badonkadonk out of 10.

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Paul

reviewed on April 3rd, 2011 05:00PM

Two geeks (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) are taking a tour of the US of A. After finishing up time at comic-con, they run into a stoner alien (voiced by Seth Rogen) who wants to return home. He enlists their help and the adventure begins. I wanted...

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Tangled

reviewed on April 2nd, 2011 06:33PM

Through a series of events a girl gets magical hair. She is stolen away by a lady who wants to keep the magical hair in her grasp to stay young. Girl forbidden to leave tower by lady. Girl is actually a princess. Every year on girl's ...

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Half Nelson

reviewed on March 8th, 2011 07:01PM

There are some movies that really don't give us a lot of exposition into a characters psyche. We just meet the character as he or she is and are expected to roll along with it. In Half Nelson, we have that character in the form of Dan Dunne (R...

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Up

reviewed on March 7th, 2011 05:38PM

Up is a phenomenal film. I can't even begin to describe how beautiful, heart warming-and breaking-it is. It just sticks with you. And that my friends, is what a movie should do. I mean, it's insanely incredible how in a matter of minutes we...

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II

reviewed on March 6th, 2011 06:13PM

TMNT: Pretty much the backbone of my childhood. A franchise that blew up, overtaking everything-toys, clothes, video games, and of course, movies. Now I love the first TMNT film. I love the mood, love action, love how it kinda sorta gives us a ...

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Blade: Trinity

reviewed on February 12th, 2011 08:04PM

Blade gets framed for a human's murder. A couple of vampire slayers break him out of jail. They need his help because vampires resurrected Dracula....who is now Drake. Make your ipod playlists, everyone, it's time to kick ass! This movie is not...

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Blade 2

reviewed on February 12th, 2011 07:00PM

Seems to be that before Marvel produced their own films, the trilogies featuring their heroes seemed to have the similar feature of the second installment being the best. While I prefer Spider-Man 1 over 2, many people think two stands out as the ...

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Blade

reviewed on February 12th, 2011 05:05PM

*Spoilers, but seriously if you haven't seen this movie yet then you aren't going to probably.* It was this movie that made Hollywood look at how a comic book film can be done the right way. And the funny thing is, they did it with such an ...

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The Town

reviewed on February 5th, 2011 06:37PM

*Spoilers below, kids* Charlestown-a place full of crime. A foursome of bank robbers start the movie off by taking a local bank down, where a women is requested to open the safe. The boys in blue show up, and the dudes make a run for it. Dou...

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Buried

reviewed on February 5th, 2011 11:15AM

My expectations for this movie were on the fence. Some people think this movie is awesome; others, not so much. My thoughts going in were "Ryan Reynolds for 95 minutes. Let's see what the guy is made of." And I have to say, the few doubts I hav...

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Cyrus

reviewed on February 3rd, 2011 05:25PM

Cyrus is an interesting film. It definitely has some chuckle moments, but at the same time, it is a disturbing look at a young man who cannot let go of his relationship with his mom. John C. Reilly stars as...John, a guy whose ex wife is getti...

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The Muppet Movie

reviewed on February 2nd, 2011 02:21PM

There has been several Muppet films, but this one...this one is by far my favorite of them all. I mean, you can't go wrong with the gang packing their bags and trying to break it in the big leagues of Hollywood, with catchy tunes along, the cameos...

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D3: The Mighty Ducks

reviewed on January 30th, 2011 10:27AM

Bombay: I'm not going to be your coach anymore. Ducks: WTF WHY NOT? Bombay: Cuz. Pacey from Dawson is the true leader of the team anyway. This movie can go eat a bag of hell.

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D2: The Mighty Ducks

reviewed on January 30th, 2011 10:21AM

Bombay to ducks: Olympics? Ducks: OMG RLY? SRSLY? Bombay: Fuck yeah, Ducks...err team usa ftw! Iceland team are ducks rivals Iceland Team: Team USA? haha wtf noobs. Ducks: STFU Iceland: We must break you Ducks: OMG Bombay t...

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The Mighty Ducks

reviewed on January 30th, 2011 10:09AM

Coach Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) drinks while driving. Forced to do community service. Gets a group of rag tag hockey playing kids. Tells them they suck balls. Kids are like, STFU coach us. Bombay goes: K Bombay discovers a k...

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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

reviewed on January 16th, 2011 03:37PM

A lot of people said this movie has too much style, not enough substance. Well, they can go moan somewhere else; Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is awesome. So maybe the movie is flashy, has a great soundtrack, and some of the best effects seen in ...

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Spider-Man 3

reviewed on January 16th, 2011 09:27AM

Hi, I'm Peter Parker. I play piano, dance in the street, and push my girlfriend around. Ladies and gents, I give you one of the many plot points in Spider-Man 3. This movie is all over the place. Trying to be two movies (maybe even three?) ...

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Spider-Man 2

reviewed on January 16th, 2011 09:16AM

While a dated phrase, Roger Ebert said that this was the best superhero ever. Well that's like saying my breakfast today was the best breakfast I ever had. For the record, I had two english muffins with pb and j on them. Sounds good, right? Is it ...

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Spider-Man

reviewed on January 16th, 2011 09:06AM

Ok so, being a massive fan of Spidey (if my MFC name did not serve any indication, I question your learning skills) I went to see this opening day. Do I like it? Yes. But over time, I realized it could be way better. The good: special fx are fi...

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

reviewed on January 15th, 2011 04:51PM

As a kid, I was all about TMNT. Now of course a lot of us are more familiar with the cartoon, but some forget that TMNT was originally a comic. This movie had the familiar territory we were familiar with; four turtles mutated by ooze, raised ...

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Black Swan

reviewed on January 15th, 2011 05:39AM

I will never look at ballet the same way again...or when I clip my toenails. *Spoilers ahead* As Aronofsky painted a similar picture with "The Wrestler," Black Swan is a dark, psychological look at how it feels to experience a breakdown whe...

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Back to the Future

reviewed on January 12th, 2011 03:00PM

This movie is awesome. It's got the best movie car of all time (see what I did there), a rocking soundtrack, a great plot, and has a ton of quotable lines. I've seen it countless times, on dvd, and tv, in the theaters, and I have to change my ...

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The Happening

reviewed on January 12th, 2011 02:22PM

Mark "Funky Bunch" Wahlberg talks to trees This movie can go to hell. I'd rather let a lawnmower run over my bare chest then watch this movie. Say hi to your mutha for me. The fucking end.

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The Incredibles

reviewed on December 28th, 2010 09:52AM

The Incredibles is not just my favorite superhero movie, it is my favorite movie. Pixar may churn out great film after great film (sans Cars), but The Incredibles ranks above them all in my book. Helmed by Iron Giant (another great anima...

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Flight of the Navigator

reviewed on December 27th, 2010 12:53PM

This was my first movie in the theaters. Just like to point that out. Toddler wallcrawler383 was a mere three years old. Awww how cute. In any case, time travel was a big thing in the 80s-Back to the Future, Bill and Ted, and The Flight of the ...

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One Crazy Summer

reviewed on December 27th, 2010 12:43PM

John Cusack was synonymous with 80s. While every loves Better Off Dead maybe a little bit more (I enjoy it as well), this film plays upon Cusack's charismatic strengths. Cusack plays "Hoops," a name not politely given to him as he has no sports...

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UHF

reviewed on December 27th, 2010 12:28PM

During the 1980's, I lived and breathed "Weird" Al. His parodies were genius, his original work was good stuff, and he was just funny. My first viewing of UHF was when my family still had showtime, and I ate it all up. The kooky visuals, the tv...

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D.A.R.Y.L.

reviewed on December 27th, 2010 12:14PM

This movie had the go-to-kid of the '80s Barret Oliver (also in Neverending Story) as a kid who was good in school, sports, and anything else you threw at him. Why? Because he was a fricking robot! This movie is a memory from my childho...

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Super Mario Bros.

reviewed on December 27th, 2010 11:31AM

This movie is a guilty pleasure, first and foremost. It's isn't all bad. The special effects are pretty good (for the time) and there is some solid Mario Bros. game references and looks(the Bob-Omb sticks out the most). However, aside from that, t...

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Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

reviewed on December 25th, 2010 06:37PM

John C. Reilly plays Dewey Cox, a cliched musical persona that goes from rags to riches, experiences the downfall of drugs and depression, and slowly begins his climb back to the top. We begins Dewey's journey during his childhood where he is ...

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The Social Network

reviewed on December 25th, 2010 11:35AM

-Spoilers ahead- The comparisons of Jesse Eisenberg to Michael Cera need to halt now. The star of such comedies such as "Zombieland" and "Adventureland" gives the performance of his early career as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerburg. The Socia...
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