Just f*cking around
Vineyard worker / Scarred Psychiatrist chasing Evil on two legs
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#1 Movie of All-Time
#1 Romantic Comedy
#1 Movie Character
KING Of All Schmoes
Let's be upfront and honest here , when you're sitting down to check out a flick with the title of AVALANCHE SHARKS , you're not really expecting much . But this puppy , even with low expectations , doesn't hold ca candle to the usually sad efforts of this nature.
The flick begins with our storyteller , who isn't even in any part of the actual film , telling his unbelievable tale to a Nurse he's imagined in some drugged up sexual fantasy , while bedridden in the local hospital. Start your groaning now.
It's the busiest time of the year at some half-assed , poorly managed , and what seems to be the smallest ever , ski hill . But an Urban Legend come-to-life horde of White Sharks prowl beneath the powder , and spring out at their would-be victims in all their poorly realized CGI glory , creating some curious looking carnage at the worst possible time. Naturally , the hill is managed by a sleazy operator , and the ski patrol is run by a useless boob who's eventually promoted to Town Sheriff .
The victims here are people you're praying to God will die horrible deaths , and so for that matter , are the heroes , who include the incumbent Sheriff , a dude who keeps repeating '' I'm a Marine '' (which is good, because his actions would have you believe he'd have a hard time making the local Boy Scout brigade) and the Sheriff's newly crowned wife , who happens to be a Marine Biologist and lost her parents to similar , mysterious attacks , years earlier. Throw in the Town crazy , spouting the usual '' you're all going to die '' and you've got a blueprint for disaster . Which AVALANCHE SHARKS turns out to be .
rating : 1.5 out of 10