Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Also known as Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, this has to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I mean I knew it would suck but Good LORD I did not expect it to be this terrible. As you may know, I'm one of those weirdos who love to watch bad movies. But some of them are just too bad to tolerate, which is a perfect description of this piece of shit.

Where to begin? Well, we can just start where the movie begins, as it only took a few seconds to realize that I was going to hate this movie. We're introduced to a group of airhead teens attending the prom, and I swear these kids couldn't be any more irritating. They act like they don't even like to be around each other.

And then they just start making appallingly idiotic decisions just for the hell of it. They don't even try to get creative with how these kids end up on the killer's turf. No, they just start driving down a dirt road. Lolly lolly laaaaa. "Hey, maybe we should turn around?", one moron says. "Dar....ok", the driver responds. "Uh oh, I can't find a spot to turn around!" So they just continue down the road.

That's when they crash into another car, whose driver falls unconscious and leaves the kids to start walking down this dirt road. And that's when it turns into The Mathew McConaughey Show, who gives a new meaning to the phrase "hamming it up." He's like a sugared-up kid in a candy store that almost needs a leash and a muzzle just to calm his ass down, given way too much screen time and having a lot more fun than anyone else, especially the audience. It's just unbearable to sit through.

It's like this movie just doesn't care about how horrible it is. They don't even bother trying to make anything good out of it. There aren't even any cool kills. There is nothing redeeming about it. Just horribly written, horribly acted, shit man it's just fucking horrible.

Why are their last names changed from Sawyer to Slaughter? Does anyone on earth find Renee Zellweger attractive? Why the fuck does Leatherface have a fucking mullet? And did you guys have to take the cross-dressing thing that far?

BOTTOM LINE: It's not only the worst of the Texas Chainsaw series, but one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I wouldn't even consider it a Texas Chainsaw movie, even though it features a mullet-rocking Leatherface. There isn't a single character that didn't get on my nerves, McConaughey is a hyper jackass, and there aren't even any cool kills. It's a pitiful waste of time and I fucking hated it.