There's some uncharted territory I'd like to be exploring right now.
Just f*cking around
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#1 Movie of All-Time
#1 Romantic Comedy
#1 Movie Character
Nite Owl buttoned up his trousers, he heard quidditchmom cough and spit behind him.
Nite Owl: Ok, I’ll admit I got a little carried away there, but you brought that on yourself.
quidditchmom said nothing, she only shook with rage at what Nite Owl had subjected her to, she was dreaming up all the ways in which she would make him pay. Nite Owl looked down and saw the blood from her now missing ear had begun to dry on her face.
Nite Owl: I’ll get Chris to sew that up for you, no use in it getting infected, that wouldn’t do you much good now would it.
quidditchmom: The fuck do you care what happens to me?
Nite Owl: I don’t, but I still have some things planned for you so I wouldn’t get too comfortable yet.
Chuckling to himself, Nite Owl picked up quidditchmom’s severed ear and left her, he figured the ear could be used as a snack for Penny.
Once outside he saw how dark it had gotten, he was in the shed longer than he thought, it would be curfew soon.
Hearing his name Nite Owl turned and saw a very pissed off cerealkiller, with his surprisingly still living brother behind him, coming right towards him.
Nite Owl: Shit.
cerealkiller: What the fuck do you think you’re doing, sending my brother to die like that?
Nite Owl: He tried to kill me, what was I suppose to do, let him off with it because he’s your brother.
cerealkiller: You send him to me, I’ll punish him, you don’t kill him.
Nite Owl: He has to follow the rules here like everyone else.
cerealkiller: Fuck your rules, you don’t mean shit when it comes to my family. You try anything against me or my brother again and I’ll fuckin kill you.
Tired and still pissed over the Arena incident Nite Owl quickly pulled out his pistol and shot cerealkiller in the stomach before he realised what had happened. The shock of the sudden pain knocked cerealkiller on his back. Immediately John was down, next to his brother, trying to save him.
Nite Owl: Listen here you inbred redneck fuck. I’m the leader here, what I say goes and if I say you or your retarded shit of a brother has to die you roll over and fucking thank me, do I make myself clear you backwater piece of….
horrorfan (shouting): GOVERNOR!
Immediately recognising the voice, Nite Owl turned to the front gates, a cold shiver ran through him, he couldn’t believe he was back.
Nite Owl: No fucking way.
Terminal: No fucking way.
Critical: It’s the best plan we could think of, we stick to it and it’ll work.
Terminal: Do you have any idea how dangerous that was, you could’ve been killed or worse.
Chris: I’m with Terminal, you took a massive risk getting in here, as I recall you almost lost your eye Critical if not for me, and I wasn’t part of your plan.
MrsData: And I wasn’t part of WalkAway’s but we are now and we’re in this together, I’m with them.
Terminal: Jesus, I don’t like this, there’s too many things that can go wrong. You haven’t thought this through properly.
WalkAway: Are you saying we just charge in here without thinking about how we were going to save our friend? Would you rather we just leave you here?
Terminal: No, that’s not what I’m saying, I just mean…
Critical: Term, you’ve done things without thinking before, but you did them for the best of the group. We did think about this, we got a plan together and it’s working out in our favour, yeah things could’ve fucked up but they haven’t and now we need you with us on this, we need you to trust our judgement and…
Critical was cut off but a sudden gunshot from outside, rushing to the windows everyone saw Nite Owl outside standing over cerealkiller and John, it was obvious that Nite Owl just shot cerealkiller.
Nite Owl: Listen here you inbred redneck fuck. I’m the leader here, what I say goes…
Terminal: Does this alter your plan at all?
Critical: No, we’re still taking John with us, we just have to move quickly.
Chris: What about cerealkiller? I don’t think your friend is going to leave his brother behind.
Critical: If he thinks I’m taking that bastard with us…
WalkAway: Hey, keep your cool. This is something we’ll deal with later, right now we have to keep quiet, it’s almost time.
horrorfan (shouting): GOVERNOR!
Nite Owl climbed the gates, getting to the walk-way at the top where he finds Jengirl looking through her rifle.
Nite Owl: Can you see him, is it really him?
Jengirl: Yeah it’s him, he’s alone as well, I don’t think he’s armed, hard to tell with that fucking coat he’s wearing,
Nite Owl: What the fuck is he doing back here?
horrorfan walked slowly closer to the gate.
Nite Owl: That’s close enough. Well, I wondered if I would ever see you again?
horrorfan: I was kinda hoping I’d never have to look at you again.
Nite Owl: Then why come back, you were free, gone, why come back, why now?
horrorfan: Because you have my friends and I want them back.
Nite Owl: This is a rescue mission? I thought you would’ve brought more people than this.
horrorfan: Not a rescue, a trade. Me in return for my friends’ safety.
The smile on Nite Owl’s face dropped, this was something he never expected and couldn't decide if he was scared or ecstatic.
Nite Owl: What kind of deal is that? I lose five hostages just for one, no way. Not even you are worth five. You get one.
horrorfan: Four then.
Nite Owl: Two.
horrorfan: Two but I get to pick which two.
Nite Owl: You make it sound like you’ve already chosen. Alright then you pick two then hand yourself over.
horrorfan: Critical and WalkAway, the two you picked up this afternoon. They’re young dumb and in love and I’d rather not see them die doing anything stupid like protecting each other.
Nite Owl turns round to Strider below him.
Nite Owl: Find the two you brought in today and take them outside, then tie that fucker’s hands together and bring him to me, unharmed.
Strider nods and goes off to find the prisoners.
Terminal: I still don’t like this.
Critical: It’s fine, look just find John and qudditchmom then meet us out front, we’ll be ready for you.
MrsData: We’ll be there, won’t we.
Chris: Yeah, yeah we will, I’ll pack up what I can and be ready to move.
The sound of the front door opening took their attention, Strider walked in holding his gun.
Strider: You two got real lucky, your friend came looking for you, traded the two of you for himself. It’s fuckin heartbreaking. Now shut up and get moving.
Bidding a silent farewell to Terminal, Chris and MrsData, Critical and WalkAway walked outside. They were surprised to see so many people in the street, it was like the whole town of Central had shown up to see what was going on. Egged on by Strider they made their way down the road and out the gate.
Strider kept them moving out of Central and away from the town, as Critical and WalkAway walked away, horrorfan took his cue and walked forward, passing his two friends and giving them a subtle nod, they knew what to do. horrorfan approached Strider, his head held high.
Strider: Alright hands behind your back so I can tie them.
horrorfan lifted his arms out of the long coat he was wearing but he didn’t put them behind his back. Instead he aimed the sawn-off shotgun he was hiding right at Strider’s face and pulled the trigger.
As Strider’s head disappeared into red mist and his body fell to the ground Nite Owl realised too late what was going on. In the distance he saw Critical and WalkAway grab their guns that were hidden under an abandoned car before two more people, Threat Poet and ericodarko, burst out and ran towards the town gate.
It was a trap.
Looking down at horrorfan, his smirking face looking up from Strider’s dead body, Nite Owl felt something inside him exploded. He wanted this motherfucker dead no matter the cost.
Nite Owl: FIRE EVERYTHING!
TastetheW0ng turned the knife slowly against WalkAway stomach, the cold metal against her bare skin brought shivers to her, she knew that at any moment he could push the knife in and kill her, but it was the waiting, the anticipation that was worse.
TastetheW0ng: You know what I did before I came here. I was studying biology, specifically human anatomy. Such a fascinating piece of equipment, we can survive so much pain, so much hurt and yet still survive. We are great creatures aren’t we?
W0ng ran the knife WalkAway’s navel, not enough to cut her but still close enough to make her wince. But still she never cried, never showed fear.
TastetheW0ng: My studies helped me find a way to safely remove the womb from a human female and keep her alive afterwards. Of course that took a lot of practise and there were some, slight mishaps, but I got it right in the end. Do you have any idea why I would want to cut out a womb?
WalkAway shook her head, W0ng chuckled as the movement of her head shook her body, giving him glimpses of her chest from behind her hands, still valiantly covering her modesty.
TastetheW0ng: No womb means no children, no womb means no little accidents when I have my fun.
W0ng quickly brings the knife up to WalkAway’s face, pushing it lightly against her cheek, the blade looking massive so close to her eye.
TastetheW0ng: I’ve not had any fun in a while, you look like a nice replacement, of course I’ll have to make sure you don’t have any little accidents but it’s not been that long since I did the surgery.
WalkAway: I won’t tell you anything.
TastetheW0ng: You misunderstand, I couldn’t care less if you tell me anything or not, quite frankly I hope you don’t, means I can play with you longer. But even if you tell me everything, where you’re from, who you’re with, what little Jimmy did to you in the back of his car on your 16th birthday, I’ll still keep you here. You’re mine now and I’m not letting you go that easily.
The front door knocked, W0ng is obviously pissed but he goes and answers it anyway, he sees MrsData out front.
TastetheW0ng: What is it doc?
MrsData: I need to take the prisoner over to the Medical Centre.
TastetheW0ng: And why’s that?
MrsData: Blood test, need to take some samples, make sure she’s healthy and then took store some in case of emergencies.
TastetheW0ng: Can’t it wait?
MrsData: No, it’s late and I’d rather get it done before curfew, you can have her back when I’m done in the morning.
TastetheW0ng: You’re fucking with me here doc, fine, take her. But I want her back to me as soon as ok.
MrsData made her way inside where she finds WalkAway, still topless, covering herself as best she could.
TastetheW0ng: Don’t worry doc, I didn’t touch her, you got in just in time to ruin the fun didn’t you.
MrsData: Get out, let her get dressed.
TastetheW0ng: Nothing I ain’t seen before.
MrsData: I said out.
Chuckling to himself, W0ng leaves the room, allowing MrsData to help WalkAway get dressed.
WalkAway: Thank you.
MrsData: Don’t thank me, believe it or not we share friends in this town. A fine officer and a gentleman.
MrsData: Keep your voice down, we’re trying to help you here, just follow my lead.
MrsData took some rope out her pocket and tied WalkAway’s hands behind her back, she led her out of the house, past a smiling TastetheW0ng, and outside where she was push towards the Medical centre. From across the road WalkAway could see Chris hurrying Critical along towards the same building. Chris and Critical got there first and quickly went inside followed by WalkAway and MrsData. Once inside the rope on their hands were cut allowing Critical and WalkAway and hold each other again.
Critical: I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed with you.
WalkAway: It’s fine, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t let him get me, I didn’t…
Critical: It’s ok, I’ve got you.
WalkAway: No, I’ve got you.
Terminal: You’ve got each other.
The couple turned to see Terminal, the look on his face like he hadn’t smiled in months but struggled through to show his appreciation for the couple. Ignoring the question about his missing hand the two of them embraced Terminal.
Critical: It’s good to see you man.
Terminal: You too, sorry you got caught up in this, we’re trying to find a way out of this place, all of us.
Chris: We’re fed up of Nite Owl’s rule, we only stayed because this is the only place that was safe. Then Terminal told us about the prison.
WalkAway: What? Why the hell did you do that?
Terminal: Walks, this man saved my life, I trust him ok, so should you.
Critical: We do, both of us. If you trust him, we trust him. But here’s the thing Terminal, I know it might not look like it, but we’re actually in the middle of rescuing you right now.
cerealkiller quickly made his way towards the arena, hoping he wasn’t too late to save his brother. Turning the corner he saw Movieman watching the Walkers close in on John.
Grabbing his attention, Movieman freaked when he saw cerealkiller and runs away, cerealkiller gives chase but not for long, he allows Moveman to escape so that he can save John. Seeing that the gate is locked cerealkiller tries to break the lock with his knife but to no avail, desperate to get in he starts kicking down the gate, a thin, wire fence it goes down with little difficulty and allows cerealkiller to get inside.
John is running around the arena floor, hands still tied behind him, as he tries to avoid the 15, 20 Walkers that were put in there to kill him. He barely notices cerealkiller until he hears a familiar yell and turns to see his brother thrust his knife hand into the head of one of the Walkers, cerealkiller then turns to kill another Walker, and another, he kicks down a forth one down and sweeps his knife down to stab the Walker through the chin, the force of the impact rips the Walker’s head right off. Getting the severed head off his knife cerealkiller spins round once more and slices the head off a fifth Walker, leaving a path open for John.
cerealkiller: Come on.
Not questioning his brother, John quickly ran towards him and followed him out of the arena, away from the Walkers. cerealkiller cuts the rope tying John’s hands together.
cerealkiller: That motherfucker, I told him you weren’t to be touched, I told him to keep you safe. That son-of-a-bitch. I’m gonna kill him.
John: Don’t. Let’s just get our friends and get out of here.
cerealkiller: Fuck that, you wanna run go ahead. I’m not letting that bastard get away with this.
With cerealkiller off on a rampage and John trying to stop him, neither of them noticed the remaining Walkers had found the hole left in the gate.
Small and secretive, Riddle ran back to the ditch where horror fan, ericodarko and Threat Poet were hiding.
horrorfan: You hid the guns kid?
Riddle: Yeah, they’re under the car, right where they can get them. No-one saw me.
horrorfan: Good, this plan might actually work.
Threat: It’s still risky as hell, we don’t even know if Terminal and the others are in there.
horrorfan: We know Critical and WalkAway are and that’s enough for me to get in there.
ericodarko. This is suicide and you know it
horrorfan: Stick to the plan and it’ll go smoothly, If we’re lucky none of us will be killed.
Threat: And if we’re unlucky?
horrorfan: Then we best kill ourselves quickly.
cerealkiller pushed Critical violently into his room, Critical landed hard on the floor and with his hands tied he couldn’t get himself up again. cerealkiller laughed at him.
cerealkiller: Well lookee here, I know we ain’t seen each other in a while but you don’t need to bow down to me. Not yet anyway.
Critical: Why are you doing this cereal? We were friends.
cerealkiller: Friends? Friends don’t let strangers handcuff them to rofftops, friends don’t abandon friends with no food, no water and no hope. Friends don’t let friends cut off their fucking arms.
Critical: We came back for you.
cerealkiller: Yeah that’s what John and Terminal said as well. Don’t know who that new chick is, she’s been nothing but trouble since she got here.
Critical: That’s quidditchmom, she found us at the…
Critical stopped, wondering how much cerealkiller already knew.
cerealkiller: At the where?
Critical: Nowhere, just a gas station we came across.
cerealkiller: Bullshit, where is everyone else, where’s the Sherrif’s wife, his son, the old bastard, uh jeo4, VitamanMan, where are they all?
Critical: VitamanMan’s dead. He lost his shit and Terminal killed him.
cerealkiller: Well fuck me, thought he would’ve made it out of this thing. Who else is gone?
Critical: Bellatrix, timmyd, Glinda, Zombie_Bro. A couple other people we met on the way.
cerealkiller: Like your girlfriend.
Critical: If you single hair on her head.
cerealkiller: Relax, I won’t touch her. But the man she’s with, oh he’s one sick sonuvabitch.
Enraged, Critical tries to attack cerealkiller but his tied hands prevent him from going any further. cerealkiller laughs at him.
cerealkiller: Try all you want boy you ain’t gonna do a thing to help her. You’re stuck with me, and I want some answers.
Critical: Fuck you, I won’t tell you shit.
cerealkiller: I was kinda hoping you’d say that. You see this thing on my arm, you know, where my hand use to be. It use to be a flask, until some tinkering made it mine. I like it, gives a good heavy hit when you punch someone.
cerealkiller suddenly sucker punches Critical in the face, the hard metal hurts Critical so much more than he expected and he falls to the floor again. cerealkiller stands over him, tying a knife to his missing hand.
cerealkiller: I can also get some attachments, if I ever want to get some things out of you. Like that eye of yours.
Kneeling on top of Critical, cerealkiller aims his knife towards his eye and slowly moves his arm down, getting the blade closer and closer to its target, Critical tries to get away but can only move his head so far.
It’s only by the door bursting open and Chris Bumbrey rushing in that he’s saved.
cerealkiller: What the fuck do you want doc?
Chris is stunned by what he sees, but quickly remembers why he’s there.
Chris: It’s your brother, cereal he’s been taken to the Arena, Nite Owl wants him dead.
cerealkiller: WHAT? That motherfucker, I told him not to harm my brother, that bastard.
Still ranting and cursing, cerealkiller ran off to save John, leaving Chris free to untie Critical.
Critical: What, what are you doing?
Chris: I’m a friend of Terminal, we have a plan to get you out of here.
Critical: No, no we’ve got a plan right now, this is part of it.
Chris: Nearly losing your eye is part of the plan.
Critical: No, look we’re under control, just take me to Terminal and I’ll explain.
TastetheW0ng led WalkAway into his house, he was as gentle as a psychopath could be and it unnerved her. He pulled her into a room and put her near the back, away from the doors and window, then to her surprise he cut the rope tying her hands together.
TastetheW0ng: Try anything, and you will see death as a reward after I’m done with you. Understand.
TastetheW0ng: Good, stay there.
TastetheW0ng moves to the other side of the room and opens a drawer.
TastetheW0ng: Governor says I’m off the leash with you, do you know what that means?
TastetheW0ng: Think of it like a mad dog, scary when under control but once it’s off it’s dangerous.
W0ng pulls out a filleting knife from the drawer.
TastetheW0ng: I’m the mad dog.
Determined not to show any fear, WalkAway stood firm at the sight of the blade, TastetheW0ng smiled at her determination as he sat down at a table in the middle of the room.
TastetheW0ng: I want you to strip. And I want you to do it now or else I’ll cut off more than just your top.
Still keeping her cool and not letting the sick bastard get to her, WalkAway lifted her top over her head and put it on the table. W0ng motioned for her to continue, reluctantly WalkAway reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting it fall off her arms so she could cover herself quickly.
TastetheW0ng: I wouldn’t do that if I were you, you’re only holding back the fun, not stopping it entirely.
TastetheW0ng stood up and walked towards WalkAway, his knife glinting in the light as it got closer and closer towards her. WalkAway held her breath, not allowing the fear to get to her, ignoring her own mind and telling herself she wasn’t scared.
But when she felt that cold touch against her stomach, the fear rushed through her.
Figured I'd do my own one of these since I think this film is so under the radar that not even the main article could do a piece on it.
Naked is just that, raw, unfiltered and full-frontal in what it shows you, darkly cynical and just grimy all over it's a tough film to watch because it doesn't hold back, it lays everything out there, the most realistic telling of 80s London and the effect on it's people and it's not a pretty sight.
Manchester lad Johnny is on the run and travels to London to stay with an ex-girlfriend, while in London he spends the next few days travelling the streets and meeting a variety of people who he deals his own brand of intelligent bullying onto.
The film is about the bastardization of Britain during the Thatcher campaign, each person that Johnny meets is a different aspect of Britain's public with the infuriating and deeply bitter Johnny being the catalyst who reveals their true feelings, whether it's anger like Archie the Scotsman, loneliness like the widow whom Johnny uses and drops all in a couple of hours, or deeply repressed worry and rage like Brian the overly meek security guard.
But ironically enough the main star and greatest performance of the film is in fact Johnny. Played to Oscar calibre by David Thewlis, Johnny is one of the greatest performances you will ever see, he's a complex and interesting character, he's lost in a big city, he's lonely, cynical, angry and yet he does nothing to change himself, his bitterness, his bullying of everyone he meets whether it be passive-aggressive to the widow or full-on philosophical contradictories to Brian to scare and confuse him, Johnny keeps people at arm's length and in the end he just ends up in more pain and misery because of it.
In a lot of ways the film is like a telling of Catcher In The Rye, a sick individual travelling the city and meeting a variety of people who he fails to connect with.
I reviewed the film here a few months ago (review link below) but I figured I'd do this piece because I do want more people to see this near masterpiece. Stark, bleak, depressing, it's a hard film to watch but it's got a message to tell and with that powerhouse performance from Thewlis, Naked is not only one of the best underrated films of all time, it is THE best film that no-one has seen and deserves more recognition.