Tonight on Your Local News
1. There was a house/apartment building/commercial building/brush fire
2. A business was robbed
3. A teacher was arrested for being a pedophile, here’s their mug shot!
4. A cute or attractive white child/woman is missing, sorry men and minorities you’re on your own!
5. Here’s a story about obesity cut to stock footage of headless heavy people walking
6. Someone who has just been released on bail returns home, opens his/her front door but slams it shut once the reporter sticks a microphone in his/her face
7. Residents are pressuring a local strip club to move from their location, cue interviews where only women and one pastor are shown talking about their disgust
8. A wild animal was roaming around the neighborhood scaring the shit out of everyone until animal control came along and shot a few tranquilizers into it
9. Adorable kids are raising money for charity with a lemonade stand or bake sale
10. A cute domestic animal was rescued/rescued its owner from danger/needs to be adopted
11. It’s snowed, here are kids playing in it and making snowpeople. Yes, snowpeople lol
12. It’s hot as hell! Play footage of people in pools, at beaches, drinking bottles and if they’re in the city playing in fountains or in front of a busted fire hydrant.
13. There’s another fire but it couldn’t be put because those damn kids busted it open and used all the water to play in
14. A rainstrom/hurricane is coming, it's time for the weatherman/woman to shine and potentially die since they out in the storm
15. Something violent broke out in the streets this evening, let's talk to someone who was at the scene..and they're clearly drunk
I'm definitely looking forward to 4.