Machete

I'm terribly saddened to say it, but this film was a cluster fuck. The original Grindhouse films (Planet Terror and Death Proof) were purposely made to resemble B-Horror films from the '70s/'80s, but Machete looks like an unintentionally poorly made straight to dvd piece. The shots from Rob Rod are so superior that they hardly feel like they belong in the same movie. But don't worry, the overly complicated yet dumb storyline makes sure to include the backstory to each piece of the trailer that you've probably seen hundreds of times by now.

There are some awesome action sequences and nice bits of gore here and there, but this really adds nothing that we haven't already seen in the trailer. For a concept as outlandish as a Machete full length feature, this movie is incredibly boring and predictable. Perhaps the most entertaining part of the film was seeing how they planned on utilizing Segal, DeNiro, and Lohan. But sadly enough they don't get much to do either.

The movie just feels like a lazy, sloppy, unfinished collage of a 16 year olds best ideas to make an action film. Not even Trejo seems interested or involved in this film. Everyone seems to be going through the motions as if its expected. But I honestly never expected a Machete movie. Especially after the way Grindhouse bombed at the box office (which this is surely likely to do as well). In my opinion, Machete was the weakest of the trailers from Grindhouse. Thanksgiving was my personal favorite, but thats just me. And I don't think that needs its own movie either. Especially if its anything like this.