Did you like House of a Thousand Corpses? Well, then, you'll like this one, too. I fucking HATED H1kC, and so I figured I'd give Rob Zombie one more shot at directorial redemption. Both of these movies are one of those "love it" or "hate it" flicks...[more]...

This is one of those predictable thrillers that tries to be clever but fails miserably. You know, like so many others before it? I like Clive Owen a lot, and it was interesting to see him make a departure from, say, King Arthur and/or Closer where he's the dominant type. For Derailed, he spends most of his time being scared and submissive. I appreciate his departure from the usual, because it shows that he's not afraid to do something different for a movie than what's expected. As for Jennifer Aniston, well, she didn't impress me much. I don't care much for her as it is, but she was good in Office Space, and she doesn't annoy me. She just isn't all that great, either...[more]...

Known as Dead Alive to Americans and Brain Dead to the rest of the world, this is Peter Jackson before he got critical accolades up the ass for Heavenly Creatures (1994), which is probably what led Newline Cinema into allowing PJ to make the three-billion-dollar worldwide box office juggernaut Lord of the Rings trilogy. Or perhaps someone high up in authority thought that PJ had the chops even BEFORE The Frighteners (1996) or the aforementioned Heavenly Creatures and understood the genius of this man's vision from his Splatterflicks... who knows for sure, eh...[more]...

Jesus, man. Don't be a fool like me and think that Jennifer Connelly is smart enough to not star in a piece of shit horror movie. This manages to make a painful recreation of The Ring, and not only that, it's a remake of an already retreaded Japanese version. How much more sad can things get? This manages to follow almost every single cliche in the book, minus one twist in the end that many might not see coming. However, it also made another ending to the added ending from what you might think would be the original ending (that's three endings, I mean). The third ending manages to try for one more really cheap scare that doesn't work at all, and ends shit on such a retarded note that I almost think Contact was a good ending. But no, that ending still sucks, too...[more]...

Tim Burton has returned to a kind of filmmaking artistry that works better for him than say The Planet of the Apes with the wonderfully animated feature The Corpse Bride. It's a given to say that if you loved The Nightmare Before Christmas, there's little chance of not liking this one as well. I thought Christmas was alright, but totally dig the look and feel of the animation. I had a better time with this one than the previous, and so I'm happy to have seen it in the theaters...[more]...

From the director of the solid first effort City of God comes a preachy, boring, uninspirational story about evil drug companies and the atrocities that we should all worry about in Africa. Everyone knows that this shit goes on in Africa, and it is a terrible thing. We're reminded at least three times about "the way things are," about the (what the storytellers want you to consider) twisted morality of those who so heartlessly do drug testing on the poor villagers in Africa, which are the typical big-time questions: the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Why save this one life, when there are many thousands others like this? That's the way of the world, yadda yadda yadda...[more]...

First off, let's get the whole 'Keanu Reeves Can't Act For Shit' bit out of the way. He pulls no standout performance like he did in The Gift, and instead plays himself but with a different name... as usual. Hey, that's fine with me. He doesn't perticularly ruin a movie for me. In fact, I've liked quite a few movies he's been in. The role of John Constantine isn't a very demanding one, and so he doesn't really make or break the movie for me...[more]...

It seems that every time Michael Mann has a new movie coming out, I’m excited. It doesn’t always mean that I’m going to like it. For the most part, I do. When I first got word of a Michael Mann film with Cruise and Foxx, I didn’t know what to think. I thought the premise was pretty cool, and then I saw the poster and loved how subdued it was. It was just a side photo of Tom Cruise in his gray suit with a silenced pistol in his lap, with the title in small letters at the top. For some reason, this poster said to me, “This is a drama. This is a slower movie that will only work if the script and the actors are top-notch.�...[more]...

Natalie Portman in a G-string and tiny bra, prancing around in a strip club doing dances and talking dirty. Nuff Said...[more]...

There are a number of animated features that can even make an adult smile and fall in love with the characters. This isn't one of them...[more]...

Uh... first thing's first - what are you going to expect from this? It's a PG-13 thriller that mixes The Abyss, Leviathon, Pitch Black and Vertical Limit into one generic, time-wasting package of distracting entertainment that requires you to leave your brain at the door. It lacks even the small amount of brains in Pitch Black, and has enough of the cheese of the other flicks while trying desperately to looks as good as The Abyss (but failing). Since I knew what to expect, I wasn't all that disappointed. It delivered enough entertainment to keep me going...[more]...

I had been wanting to see this movie for the last 8 months, since I saw the kickass Japanese trailer so long ago. It was in Japanese, but damned if it didn't look totally awesome...[more]...

The story of Truman Capote writing In Cold Blood on its' own has a lot of potential to create the Oscar bait melodrama that I hate so much. There are so few movies at this time of year which truly impress me. Few Oscar-wannabe dramas succeed in avoiding the sappy and cheap attempts at tugging at the viewers' heartstrings through the use of swelling music on cue, shitty flashbacks and onscreen tears when needed. There are other movies that are just "alright" but worth watching for an actors' performance IN the movie, such as Ray...[more]...

I've been waiting for over a year and a half for this damned movie to get released. Gilliam has always had a bastard of a time with the studios for every movie he's made. He wants his vision the way he likes it (which is genius), while the studios wish for his results to be more mainstream and audience friendly...[more]...

Upon seeing the previews, I didn't know what to think of this movie going in. I don't mind a movie about gay lovers, that's fine. What I didn't dig were some of the setups cinematically that looked like it was screaming for Oscar (such as the fireworks at night, or some carefully framed two-shots). Add to that the horrible quote, "I wish I knew how to quit you!" which I had only hoped was taken out of the proper context of the emotional value of that scene...[more]...