Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I have grown very tired of Harry Potter and these movies. It started out good, but since the first one nothing's flipped my skirt up. What was all the buzz about Cho Chang if she's completely disregarded and replaced with who-the-fuck-ever else? That's not the only thing that's left unfinished, but for this sixth installment - which is the worst - any previous stuff about who likes who and why has nothing on how much THIS movie relies on that crap. It makes the stuff from earlier seem moot now.

Nothing much happens for two and a half hours. It literally is full of childish hormone raging, with an exorbitant amount of snogging by people everywhere. I swear Hogwart's has been charmed by some powerful spell that makes all the students attach their lips to other students. Somewhere amongst the pointless relationships, that barefoot hippy chick that I hated so much passes through and away again. So do other characters, such as Hagrid. I still kind of don't know why he had anything to do with anything. He felt pushed into the movie as an aside. Like it needed to have him in it just because Hagrid is so well known.

The real meat and bones of the storyline lies in the events with Malfoy, Snape and Dumbledore. These important moments are only passed by a couple of minutes at a time, and the movie throws itself once AGAIN into the pointless faltering romance storylines. Finally, the final half-hour almost puts this ambling boredom aside and starts to reveal the search for Voldemort. It was too little too late.

I also found the bleached-out coloring of countless scenes to be annoying to look at. Especially scenes with Dumbledore, strange enough. Like the almost all-digital cave that Dumbledore and Potter visit... it's almost in black and white, and there is so much blooming most of the time that it removes definition from any of the hard-to-see CGI settings. Is that to cover up the shoddy effects, or is it an artistic choice? Either way, it looks freaking terrible.

This is the absolute worst Harry Potter movie. I was very, very bored and really sick of the attention paid to these teenagers liking so-and-so or not liking so-and-so... it was a damned teeny drama done badly. What I did like, however, was the tacked-on and pointless quiddich stuff. This is because never before has a broomstick looked so much like a huge, bulging cock in young boys' hands. I make special note of that super-fast arrogant jock dude... he held his stick with such pride! His broomstick was also shaped and colored differently from the others, which only made it look that much more like a giant penis. I kept laughing and laughing. He had such huge wood in his hands; high quality mahogany! Best part of the movie!

I had the feeling that no one really had the heart in doing this movie. As if they were just tired of doing the series. I recall most of the movie being filled with performances in which there is little emotion and even less ambient noise. Malfoy should have been more heavily centered, but instead he is like so many others... there for a minute or two and then gone for 10 more until it's time to reveal another minute of mystery.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is not a good movie by any means. It's very messy, meandering and overall a bloated exercise in melodrama. Pointless.

GRADE: D