Can I interest anyone in an excerpt?
One of VoodooMamaJuju's recent status updates reminded me that I once did a just-kidding screenplay about Dennis Quaid reluctantly falling in love with Louis Gosset Jr. in his alien make-up on the set of ENEMY MINE in 1985 Germany. It was called ENEMY MINE?
Here's how it starts:
FADE FROM BLACK TO:
EXT. THE FRONT OF A LARGE BUILDING WITH A JUGENDSTIL / VAGUELY BAUHAUS ARCHITECTURAL STYLE - EARLY MORNING (STILL A LITTLE DARK)
The building's jutting facade cuts the sky in half. It is unclear where we are. Germany?
An ethereal, prolonged orchestral GLISSANDO intensifies on the soundtrack...
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. MAKE-UP ROOM B1 IN THE BAVARIA FILMSTUDIOS, GEISELGASTEIG, GRÃœNWALD, BAVARIA, GERMANY
LOUIS GOSSETT, JR. and DENNIS QUAID sit in big swivel chairs in front of a large mirror. A few exotic plants hang under florescent lights. This place is magnificent. A MALE MAKE-UP ARTIST is applying make-up to Louis Gossett, Jr.'s head in order to make him look like a Drac, an intelligent military fighter pilot from the reptilian planet Draco. Another MAKE-UP GIRL is in the room but is only nominally powdering Dennis Quaid's nose. Dennis appears to be there just to keep Louis Gossett, Jr. company.
LOUIS GOSSETT, JR.
(His gilled prostheses garble his speech.)
Gat lil' girl is doo-ggh-ing a 'onderful gjob. Gyou
look bea-g-utiful.
Dennis Quaid chuckles violently as he snaps a newspaper open to somewhere in the middle.
LOUIS (CONT.)
Like a ggh-young Anne Ramsey.
Dennis' chuckle peters out with a stunning sadness.
The make-up girl swishes her hand around in a bowl of Runts on a nearby table and pulls out with a few in her fist as an ON-SCREEN TITLE appears:
JANUARY 1985, BAVARIA
MAKE-UP GIRL
I love these.
DENNIS
(curtly)
You're welcome, Karen. I brought them from home.
KAREN
(with Runts rolling around her tongue, clacking
against her teeth)
Ooh... Mr. Quaid. Um, can I have one?
(beat, clack, two beats, clack, beat.)
Dennis Quaid is staring narrow-eyed into the space just behind Karen's left ear.
DENNIS
...Yeah.
Surprised
This made me laugh out loud at work:
"(beat, clack, two beats, clack, beat.)"
That's right, I type "laugh out loud".