"So hold on, you want me to suck your dick as HARD as I can?? Wow. Akwaaaaard...."
SPOILERISH
"so if i am you, and you are me, than technically what we did isnt gay"
So, does that mean I'M married to Angelina Jolie? Because I promise I won't shoot me if you let me fuck her once in a while.
"Three pitchers of beer and you still can't ask. You called me because you want to bone my wife. Cut the foreplay, all you gotta do is ask."
"Is The Iron Giant still behind me, watching us?... Fuck, I'd say run and hide but you had to wear the motherfuckin' bright red jacket didn't you?"
"What do you mean the Bear Jew's joining Fight Club?! How the fuck is THAT even fair?"
"Wait, so one rule will be no shirts, no shoes but this wont go for fat guys with bitch tits?"
"Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie? That's nothing. Salma Hayek. I win."
"So just because a guy likes to dress fancy and hang out in poorly lit doorways, you automatically think he's hooking?"
*spoiler kind of* "So you're telling me, you read a movie script where george clooney builds a sex chair in his basement?"
The Narrator (V.O.): I couldn't get him to stop. Tyler just kept spitting out one liners about why he had his dick in his hand. All I could do was look at him with this strange look on my face.
It was at this moment that Edward Norton finally realized: " Holy shit, I let Brad Pitt Donkey Punch me........I am Jack's total lack of surpirse."
No, no, no. The man with his navel out for the world to see does not get to make requests of physical pain.
How dare my other me look better than the real me, who do i think my other me is, and of all people my other me is, why Brad Pitt....Why couldn't the other me be George Clooney
" thats right, i lasered the hair on this small v section of my chest, wanna look like a doll, not no silverback"
"Sooo, lemme get this straight ... you are telling me Robert Redford is a future me? That is just ludicrous!"
"Sooo, lemme get this straight ... you are telling me Robert Redford is a future me? That is just ludicrous!"
It's actually pronounced "Karatay"
"Karate?"
"Karataay"
Hypothetically, any unarmed combat system could accurately be called "karate" since the phrase literally means "empty hand." It was originally developed by a dude who taught that indecisiveness is a weakness. Same guy changed the meaning the word 14 times before landing on "empty hand".
"Tell me again why the second rule is the same as the first exactly?"
"Because, hey look, my cock."
"Ok, ok. So you're telling me...that I will eventually star in the sequel, that's not a sequel, to the fucking Hulk?" *I am Jack's sense of wishing I was Iron Man*
I am jacks poor sense of fashion. Seriously dude, I don't care what you tell me. I would never imagine you wearing that. Shaved head and fur coat, MAYBE, but I've got standards.
Pitt: "So it was made for just 15,000 and it already reached 100 million after 5 weeks?"
Norton: "Yeah, not a bad investment for 350,000 bucks. Probably the smartest move Paramount has made in a while."
Pitt: "It's good to know that during this economic crisis that our industry is still able to make the dreams of the little guys come true."
Norton: "Yeah people don't realize that it's the fans that keep this business going. They deserve our respect."
Pitt: "Yeah. Hey, this PA's really chapping my dick how about yours?"
Norton: "He's getting there."
You see, it's really simple. All you have to do is punch me in my shit, and I'll give you one back. It sounds fun, right? But here's the best part. After we're done, you're gonna look like hell, but I'm still gonna be wearing this fly ass red jacket with my Hawaiian shirt, talking to you about how I'm banging Jolie, yo!!
Tyler:
If I keep staring at him he'll have to lover his eyes..He'll look at my cock then.. BLAMMO FREE SHOT!!..I love this game
Jack: So you're telling me, in the future, I star in an average Hulk movie re-make of a recent horrible Hulk movie?
Tyler: Mindfuck, huh? Wait another hour and a half or so, and I'll blow you away with another Mindfuck!
No man - all I'm saying is that those goofy fucking Japanese commercials you keep doing are undermining your awesomeness.
Jack: Y'know something? For a dude, you have a VERY small penis.
Tyler: Yeah, well, you're no Tom Cruise yourself!
Jack: So if we're the same person, would it be awkward if I started calling you my "right hand" man?
How can you say it was the "worst movie ever"? You didn't even see Death to Smoochy!
Jack: So we could have sex right here right now, and I would just be jerking off?
I have no idea how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. Can I just punch you already?!?
wait? you're wearing this outfit the whole movie? I'm edward "italian job" norton, i can't be working with some 70's style pimp
Wait a minute... Your Brad F'ing Pitt how did you not convince Jenn and Angela to have a threesome with you.
Telefone ringing
Jack: Hello? Humm, uhu, nope. TYLEER, tel for you.
Tyler: Hi, humm, yeah, okay. Nope, it is for you.
Jack: Are you sure?
Tyler: Yap.
Jack: Hi, hello? hello? TYLER, this is not fan.
I want you to fuck me as hard as you can......Motherfucker! You fucked me in the ear!
Tyler: Did you know Joblo.com is the #1 sorce for movie news
Narrator: I use Comingsoon.net
Tyler: And thats why your a fucking idiot
So you're telling me he cut off her head, put it in a box and had UPS deliver it to you in the desert? That's what drove you to anarchy? That's fucked up man...
"Im just saying Brad, if you want people to take you seriously cover up you're happy trail and stop dressing like it's 80's night."
Wait... You are saying that all other Chuck Palahniuk adapted movies will suck ass?
So Doc Brown invented a time machine, and put it into a DELOREAN! AND THEN Old Biff takes it while they are in the future just to get rich and marry Marty's mom? Wow! This whole thing could have been solved by one little piece of paper entitled, "Restraining Order". What an asshole.
We're changing rule one about fight club. The first rule of Fight Club, Mike Tyson can't join.
Tyler: i want you to hit me as hard as you can
Jack: tyler...you wouldn't like me when im angry.....
Norton: Why do I get the feeling this is part of your soap-making process?!?
Norton, "How the shit did you get my shirt? You said you were in Albuquerque the weekend my apartment caught fire."
Norton: So is this really another weekly caption where someone looks bothered and the other person in the photo couldn't give a shit?
Pitt: Seems so.
Jack: Dude come on. Watch your aim. You're getting piss all over my shoes.
So wait....you mean to tell me...there is no spoon. Now it makes so much sense. I'm you...
"So let me get this right, instead of having sex with Angelina Jolie, your wife, to make another kid, you're going to adopt a seventh kid? Are you gay?!?"
So did you know that shirt only had three buttons when you bought it?
So wait a minute.....What you're telling me is YOU knocked her up.....But I have to pay the child support? That's FUCKED up.
So that was Bitch Tits Bob's dick at the end of the flick? How do you even know that? Is that why they call him Meat Loaf?
"What does that mean exactly? 'I have a great idea for a video clip. All we need is a horse...'"
Sooooo...you mean to tell me that it's actually a satirical representation of one man's struggle with coming to terms with his own homosexuality? Hmm...never really looked at it like that...
“Wait, so you’re telling me you’re a figment of my imagination and I blew up my own shit? FUCK!”
So... you're telling me with a little Vaseline your fist won't hurt as much?
"I fucking love that jacket, man. If I was wearing that that fat fucker might not hug me against his man tits. So you're saying they won't make another one?"
"I just grabbed some shit from the wardrobe, man. Finch doesn't mind."
"Whose Finch?"
"Our director."
"Director? We're in a fucking movie?"
Ok, a chemical burn on the hand was one thing, but you did it to your nuts!? Well I just hope I don't ever find out we are the same person and I dunked my balls in lye.
So if you and me...then...are you telling me the penguin was the only thing that was real? thats messed up.
Norton:So your telling me that the guy in SEVEN and the guy in KALIFORNIA are both characters based on you?
Pitt:Ya...Blows your fucking mind doesn't it.
Norton:So your telling me that the guy in SEVEN and the guy in KALIFORNIA are both characters based on you?
Pitt:Ya...Blows your fucking mind doesn't it.
Norton:So he takes the red pill and ends up in wonderland!
Pitt:Yup.
Pitt: I was in a little flick called Cutting Class, yeah i know Im the man.
Norton: You where in what?
Pitt: You know huge movie of the late 80's. It was awesome
"Ok Tyler this is a bad idea to start a fight club because like you wouldnt like me when i'm angry"
Norton: "So you're Tyler Durden?"
Pitt: "Yeah"
Norton: " And I'm Tyler Durden?"
Pitt: "Yeah"
Norton: "Then why the hell do I go through the whole movie not realizing we have the EXACT SAME NAME?!?!"
Pitt: "I dont know man, been wondering that for awhile..."
Ya know Ed? Every things so fucked right now, I just had to register my dick as a lethal weapon.
"Was it me or did William Shatner just wink at you back there?"
"Look, you grab Shatner, and go for the--- Tyler... Tyler! Come on dude! Focus! You know, you do this every time I want to do something. I mind as well be just talking to myself."
"You're telling me that you just pissed in William FUCKIN' Shatner's soup?"
"I didn't know fight club had a gay night... Who's idea was that?"
NORTON: "Rule No.543 of Fight Club: we do not validate parking at Fight Club."
DURDEN: "Rule No.544 of Fight Club: After Fight Club on Wednesdays, we go to Hooters and tell the waitresses that they're old and wrinkly looking."
NORTON: "...I thought that was Rule 320."
DURDEN: "Rule No. 320 of Fight Club is that everyone wears white after Labor Day."
NORTON: "RIght, right."
durden: "I want to you fuck me as hard as you can."
norton:"What?"
durden:" I didnt wear my mid drift tee and red leather for nothin. get goin me-bitch!"
What did you say? We both got two oscar noms! Lets just make that Curious Case of Bruce Banner we've been talking about?
So you and Meatloaf... That means me and Meatloaf... "This is Jack's fear of infection."
"Wow, so what you're saying is that the kid from 'The Goonies' is also the guy in 'No Country For Old Men'?"
"Wait, you mean I've been going from building to building all night long when the JoBlo Movie Club is an online website!?"
Funniest caption wins the Blu-ray edition of FIGHT CLUB! Hit the link below to enter. North American residents only please. Contest ends this Friday (11/20) at midnight, EST.
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