1. I have a plan to stave off intruders [holds up an air horn and a fire poker] First I blow him then I poke him.
2. Well, apparently, mood-altering medication leads to street drugs. That's what this very handsome young doctor said on the Today Show. [That was Tom Cruise, the actor.] They said he was some kind of scientist
3. (Regarding a gay protest) Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.
4. I don't know. Maybe it's because I went off my post-partum medication. [You were still taking that? You had Buster thirty-two years ago.] And that's how long I've been depressed about him
5. [Hi, mom! Good news, I have the entire afternoon free.] Oh really? Did "nothing" cancel?
6. If it's an idiot on a scooter in the middle of the night, it must be Gob
7. Oh who knows what they were saying? It's probably because a seal ate his hand. Apparently, the army is giving out medals for being food now.
8. Buster! Stop playing with Mother's rape horn. Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace.
9. How much could a banana cost? Ten dollars?
10. Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you could even tell.